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Our Dinah Diary… April 18, 2010

Posted by therealgirlsguide in Blog.
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Has it been two weeks?! Time flies when you’re trying to dismantle patriarchy and save the world!

So it was approximately two weeks ago that we headed off to Palm Springs for a few days of girl-powered mayhem at The Dinah. For those of you who are unfamiliar, The Dinah is basically “spring break for Lesbians” – a week long pool-party with dancing, performers and the occasional “Celesbian” appearance. Only one in our party had ever actually experienced The Dinah before…but by the time we left we were all well acquainted with the refrain, “Whatever happens at the Dinah stays at the Dinah.” So in the interest of preserving our reputation as nice wholesome girls, I will not reveal too much, but will say that highlights included a sing-along in the ladies room with “Sexy-Ukulele girl,”

…and having Meredith Baxter and her partner rescue Robin Daléa (Rasha) before her virtue was nearly corrupted by an over zealous fan (aka “scary, drunk, overly-tan girl”). However, all’s well that ends well, right? And somehow this landed us with a picture with MB herself.  So thank you scary, drunk, overly-tan girl!

By the way, if you have not seen Meredith’s webseries debut check out “We Have to Stop Now” Season 2! So great! We love you MB.

The big Real Girls event for the weekend was the Battle of the Lesbian Webseries (sponsored by One More Lesbian.).  The battle consisted of a poetic presentation by each of the shows and several rounds of party games. Heavy drinking beforehand was encouraged.  Several mojitos later, I was wearing a ginourmous Real Girls Clock ala Flavor Flav and prepared to test out my rap-skills. Fortunately, The Girls intervened in the nick of time (all my raps start out with “My name is…” which is, apparently, a very bad sign) and we ended up going a little more spoken word (poem below…).

We also met our competitors, Renée Olbert from Seeking Simone, Nicole Pacent from Anyone but Me, the gals from Lovers and Friends, among others. All lovely women…all of whom I drunkenly accused of cheating and making us lose even though WE HAD A CLOCK (as I, apparently, was fond of reminding everyone), and even though Reena Dutt (“Sydney”) was able to balance an apple on her head for LIKE an HOUR (or maybe 5 minutes…), and even though Robin had everyone in the place swooning with her dramatic interpretation of “Honey I love you, won’t you give me a smile?”

(check out the dork in the background wearing a CLOCK!)

In the end, Lovers and Friends walked away with the silver trophy, probably due to cheating…and yet so  adorable and charming so that we forgive them. Next year, bitches! You are going DOWN!! (okay, wrong choice of words…). Not that we’re competitive or anything.

Also, we finally met some of the amazing folks at our host-sites. After Ellen and One More Lesbian (who sold our T-shirts for us – thank you!!), Cherry Grrl, and SheWired.

The rest of the time was spent at our digs in La Quinta, in a big, swank pre-fabricated house that made us all feel like we were on our own reality show (which probably explains the random eruption into gossipy confessionals, smack talking and bed swapping…our Dinah Reality Show Adventure Vlog coming…as soon as I can figure out i-movie!!).

The place was in this enormous development off of a golf course. At some point we lost our way and got directions from a man in his mid 60s with a gentle southern lilt and thick grey hair under a baseball cap who was driving a golf cart with two women who appeared to be his wife and daughter. After some debate we decided that it was definitely Bill Clinton (along with his top secret “second family”). And then we turned a corner and spotted another, and another. It was like BC had cloned himself and populated the entire place with himself and secret families!

Sunday morning we decided to go out for a stroll and chase the bunnies in honor of Easter. We traipsed around the golf course singing and bunny stalking…and generally enjoying our manufactured desert oasis .At some point we found a little cave, and scaled up the hillside to check it out.

No sooner had we made our way into the cave  (where we discovered a paper target body and lots of stray golf balls which I couldn’t help collecting because they were “free”), than we heard a man’s voice urging us to come down.  Again…Bill Clinton! We made our way down to the path where BC was waiting for us. He said not only were the hills teeming with rattlesnakes, but that non-golfers were actually not allowed on the course because of the threat of stray golf balls hitting them in the head.  We apologized pleading ignorance… when suddenly, from points all around, the Bill Clintons simultaneously stopped “mid-putt” and started converging on us, remarking how the Bill Clinton that had just come to our rescue was always keeping all the pretty girls for himself. After some nervous reflexive giggling that is almost a requirement in the presence of a cloned president famous for his sexual exploits, we headed back to the house… conspiring about how “wouldn’t it be awesome if we showed up the next day wearing helmets (to protect ourselves from stray golf balls…and other balls…) and bikinis, and laid out on the sand patches like it was a beach.”

We stayed through Monday, ditching work, pretending that this was our life. Lazy mornings in our pjs, barbeques, hot tubs and watching the wind in the palms. Gentle desert earthquakes where you don’t need to worry about anything falling on your head except the big blue sky. Thinking how great is it when saving the world from patriarchy is rewarded with trips to awesome places with the people you love.

Oh, and here’s our Dinah Poem ( if you’re still reading…=))

WHY WE FUCKING ROCK

by The Real Girls

Seeking Simone makes our keyboards sticky

And we’re totally fucked up by Feed

We wish We have to Stop Now would put US on the couch

And sometimes we find ourselves digging through the Girl Trash on hot summer nights

Hoping that Insight will pull US over

So we can party in hole with Autonatic

And have hot makeup sex with Lovers and Friends

Until the world dissolves into a Cherry Bomb

And we’re back in high school with Anyone But Me

Watching the sunrise through Julie and Brandy’s vag-colored glasses

The Real Girls loves ALL GIRL-POWERED WEB SERIES…and yet…

We fucking went to Afghanistan!

And we have casual references to feminist theory!

And we openly mock douche-bag republicans!

And we’re not afraid to rock the big hairy bush!

(But NOT to camera…)

Or date MEN as sociological experiments!

(um…don’t talk about that part…we’re at the Dinah shhh!)

But that doesn’t make us better.

Um…maybe a little bit?

Shhh…you’re going to hurt their feelings..

Yeah, and I’m a little scared of Girltrash…they could totally take us

Like sweaty-hot-rip-your-clothes-off-scared?

Yeah that.

xo-Carmen

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